A Part of Who You Will Always Be

Three months ago today I was on a plane from Seoul to Canada. Is life what I thought it was going to be when I came home? That is a question I try not to ask myself because life is what you make of it. I am however in a completely different place than I could have imagined myself. Maybe it's because I pulled out my old laptop and threw on some tunes that I haven't heard in a year and a half, maybe it was just the day, or maybe it was because I was reading my journal but whatever it was it made me want to blog again so here it is.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about the journey I took. Some days I wish I never came home. Ever. Then I remind myself of all of the wonderful things about home that I have a new appreciation for. The people in my life, my new job, a different kind of unknown. Sometimes I wish I could go back and be in those moments again, the moments when life was so unexpected yet we took it as it came and felt like we could do anything. That's when I read something I wrote to myself on a rough day near the end of my travels. This is what makes me remember who I was, who I became and who I am now.

Don't worry about it. Remember all of the things that you learned about yourself. Remember the amazement in your eyes on the first sunset in Kuta, the colors, the excitement of the unknown of what would come. Remember the meeting in Ubud, how it later would take you to an astonishing moment in the Philippines. Remember the first time you got dropped off not knowing what to do and how you did it. It always works itself out, one way or another.
Remember the get up and go, the letting go, the constant changing. Remember the laughter on the boat wearing a rice hat, the scary part of driving that scooter, the jump down to Dream Beach. Remember the ferry ride to Lombok, oh poor Lombok and how much would come after that ride. Remember the feeling of loosing your hearing and seeing the demons. Remember the feeling of accomplishment when you passed your diving course, when you didn't think you could. Remember how you took the dive right after and the passion you found in something so beautiful and something that you would build so much confidence in. Remember the three weeks that should have been five days. The late nights, early mornings, the bar tabs, the people you came to love and came to hate and how you found the desire not to settle and learned to read people. Remember the music and the raindrops and how the Brazilians changed in the rain. Think of how someplace you didn't like at first chance became somewhere you will always hold dear to your heart, somewhere you changed and broke down. Remember the strength you gained there and the job you were offered. Remember the connections you made in Amed, how even when you didn't have anything familiar, there were people there to take care of you, even on Christmas Day. Remember all of the things that you have always wanted to do that you did, not for anyone else but yourself. Think of the way people helped you see things, how you were there for people when they needed you the most. Remember the angel that got you to Java and then the wonder of the climb up Mt. Bromo.
Remember how one place touched you so much and that yes you are extremely sentimental but you learned to let go, you learned to adapt, change and face new challenges. Remember how the mantras worked, put things out in the world and they will happen. Remember how you were woken by a place of laughter, how it built you up. Remember the freedom to do whatever you desired to do for yourself. Remember what you found by only being yourself. Remember the challenges and how you always overcame them to become who you always wanted to be and part of who you always will be....

 This is why I get so passionate about anyone mentioning that they want to travel. It is the best thing I have ever done in my life and every day I get to smile and put myself back into those happy memories and remind myself of how much better life can be and is.